You're Not Dead!
by pokeyspot
Summary: CRACKFIC! What is Draco like behind closed doors? Well you're about to find out. Beware!... Poor Harry... CRACKFIC!... mostly...
1. Beginning of the End

Dedicated to **Ladylucifer94**, sorry for being such a rubbish friend, happy birthday honey.

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not mine, why I have to keep writing this is beyond me.

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The potions classroom was moving as it often did, Gryffindors cringing in fear, Slyterins snickering and –

BOOM

-potions exploding

"He's killed me! Longbottom finally managed to off me! I'm dead." Draco Malfoy, Ice Prince of Slyterin wailed.

The class rushed over to find a disheveled Malfoy covered in what looked like sticky pink paste.

"You're not dead." Ron pointed out helpfully (read: automatically pointing out the obvious)

Draco looked blankly at Ron "Red hair. Weasley. Definitely hell."

"Oi!" Ron yelled

Pansy moved closer "Draco Darling, you're not dead."

Draco looked at her and leapt onto her hugging her "Pansy! Longbottom killed me, make it better." He nuzzled into her neck, she patted his head like he was a puppy.

"Blaise, we've got a problem."

"Don't tell me-" the Italian trailed off pinching the bridge of his nose

"Yeah. Whatever Longbottom did took away Draco's mask."

Blaise groaned "How long?"

"Blaisey!" Blaise suddenly had an armful of blond "How come you're in Hell?"

Blaise patted his head like Pansy did "Draco you're not dead. I am not dead. We are both alive."

"… So this is a dream? Oh oh oh! A hallucination! No other explanation." He nodded his head decisively.

"It's not a –"

"Professor, how long will it last?" Pansy asked rubbing her temples

Snape stood frozen at the horror of his godson bouncing around in _public_.

Blinking he walked over to the potion, examining it with a frown.

"A week." Snape said tiredly

The Slytherins groaned as one

Snape did something strange, something that struck fear in the hearts of all who witnessed it. He patted Pansy consolingly "I'll have headache potion ready for whoever needs it in the next week. God knows we're going to need it with him acting like… himself." He rubbed his own head

"Hey don't be a meanie!" Draco cried

The Gryffindors blinked.

"On second thought. All Slytherins take potion now. My office doors will be open for anyone who encounters mental breakdowns, hysterical reactions, or exhaustion."

He walked over to his stores and brought out a huge vial of something red. He passed it around. "Bottoms up lads. Brace yourselves gents, courage, courage."

"Hey hey!" Malfoy shot up and ran over to Harry Bloody Potter. "Hey Hallucination Harry! 'Cause this is a dream can we be friends now?" Draco bounced, yes _bounced_, eagerly.

"I- Er… Malfoy?"

Draco pouted "My name is Draco."

"Er right... Draco sure… um hold on just a second" Harry slapped himself, nope that really happened. "SNAPE! Can I have some of that?" Harry begged

"Man Draco's gonna get all pissy about that after this wears off." Pansy said leaning tiredly against Blaise.

"I only pray that you're the one that gets to deal with it darling and not me." He drawled.

Draco had grabbed Harry's hand and proceeded to drag him over to his friends. "Pansy! Blaisey! Look I just made friends with Hallucination Harry!" He grinned delighted as his grey eyes lit up.

"That's very good Draco!" Pansy patted his head and he bounced again

"Can I keep him? Pleeeeeeeease?" He pinned her with the infamous Malfoy Puppy-Dog Eyes™.

Her resolution sunk. "Of course Draco."

"Yea!"

"Oi! I'm not some stray animal over here." Harry muttered

Blaise walked up to him and put an arm around his shoulders "Mate, just ride it out. Trust me." He said seriously.

Draco pulled him away "Hey, he's my hallucination!" He hugged Harry, Harry's jaw dropped to the floor.

"CLASS DISMISSED! Go terrorize someone else for a while." Snape roared and left for his office intent on that brandy he put away.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Draco dragged Harry out of the classroom and headed towards the Great Hall ignoring his splutters and attempts to free himself. Harry was considering chewing off his arm when Hermionie and Ron appeared.

"Harry! What on earth are you doing with Malfoy?" She asked/shrieked

"I-"

"He's eating lunch with me. Pansy said I could keep him." Draco grinned at her.

"Help me!" Harry pleaded but Hermionie was too busy stifling laughter and Ron looked ready to faint.

"Come on Hallucination Harry!" Draco cheerfully continued to force him down the hallway.

"Ride it out mate." Blaise repeated

"Is there any other choice?" Harry asked in exasperation

Pansy grinned wickedly "Not at all."

Harry groaned, this was going to be a long week.

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**AN**: So is this a beginning or end of the story?


	2. Lunch with a Lunatic

**AN**: I have been bribed with a pony and threatened with a The Giant Squid to continue this story... so here's the next bit. Crazy reviewers make me happy :D

**Disclaimer**: Clearly I don't own Harry Potter.

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The 'Long Week' started out horrifically. Namely Harry being forced to eat with the Slytherins. He expected hexes, poison, anything but the sympathetic looks he got.

"Hallucination Harry! Try this!" Draco formerly known as Malfoy exclaimed as he shoved a tart in Harry's mouth.

_Brilliant I can just see it now 'Boy-Who-Lived becomes the first case of Death By Pastry'_

With difficulty he swallowed the evil treat, and with greater difficulty he didn't strangle the blond.

"That's nice Draco." He muttered after his near death experience

Draco grinned and - Merlin be praised - turned his attention elsewhere

Sadly not anywhere good.

Harry ducked and caught the apple that was aimed at his head. Malfoy using fruit as a projectile weapon.

Harry looked to the enchanted ceiling in askance, half waiting for it to rain fire and begin the apocolypse.

Nothing

So he did the only reasonable thing…

"OW!"

He threw the apple at Malfoy.

Malfoy did not duck.

"Harrrry!" Malfoy whined "Don't be mean to me! You're supposed to be my friend!"

Malfoy whining.

Harry looked at the ceiling again. No fire.

"It's just a bloody apple!" Harry snapped

Malfoy sniffled "It's not the apple it's the principle of the matter!" He concluded childishly

"The principle being you throw something at me, I throw something at you. Simple."

Malfoy pouted then yelled "Baise make Harry stop being mean to me!"

Blaise barely looked up from a convienently placed newspaper "Harry stop being mean to Draco." He said dismissively

"Oi! He's the one who chucked something at me!"

Blaise didn't even look up this time "Draco stop being mean to Harry."

"But -!"

"Don't 'but' us Draco." Pansy looked over tiredly "Listen to your fa- listen to Blaise."

She rubbed her forehead as if to ward off a headache.

"I hate you!" He snarled petutlatnly as he poked at his lunch

Blaise and Pansy shared a Look.

Draco rounded on Harry and poked him in the chest "As my Hallucination friend you have to entertain me." He demanded grey eyes shining fiercely

"Er- no I really don't."

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do …. I am not having this conversation." Harry groaned.

He calmly moved his plate aside, dusted the crumbs off the table. He then proceeded to smack his head against the hard wood. Repeatedly.

There was a small '_Ding'_ as someone cast a tempus charm. This was followed by cheers.

Harry looked up balefully.

The Slyterins were all grinning, laughing, or scowling and handing over money. The only one receiving money though was Blaise.

"Damn."

Blaise patted him on the shoulder with a roguish grin. "Thanks for adding to my Gringotts vault. You lasted longer than anyone else ever has without cracking. You beat the record, mine if you care, by 15 minutes."

"… You _bet_ on when I would crack?" Harry blinked slowly

"Yup." Many people chorused up and down the table unashamedly

Harry's head hit the table again, and he muttered something along the lines of 'greedy Slyterin bastards'

"Come on Potter, you're so far the strongest and most steadfast person to deal with Draco the first time. You just whacked your head against a table, most people end up sobbing in a corner whimpering about Demon Ferrets."

A few people shuddered at their own memories.

One cry of "I want my mummy!" was heard.

"Not helping." Harry muttered his voice muffled by how his lips were smushed against the wood.

"Why is Hallucination Harry kissing the table?" A voice broke in to Harry's homicidal thoughts.

"Alright children, off to your classes!" Dumbledore stood and announced the end of lunch with the patented 'I eat babies/ I know something you don't know' twinkle in his eyes. You could almost hear the little kid's singsong voice taunting you when you looked at him.

And Harry Potter, the boy who lived twice, the man who defeated moldeyshorts, had never been happier to see it.

He did what any brave Gryffindor would do.

He bolted.

Said Gryffindors agreed with is reasoning

"Run Harry Run like the wind!"

Damn straight.

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AN: ...More?


	3. Terror

**Disclaimer**: Do not own characters. Do not sue.

**AN**: For the long wait, and in fear for my life (yes I'm looking at you!) I reward your patience with three short chapters all at once.

* * *

Harry felt fear he never even knew existed. He'd faced Voldemort, he'd killed a basalisk, he'd ridden a dragon, and yet he was never as terrified as he was at the moment.

Classes were done for the day.

He ducked around a corridor, crouching as if it would make him less noticeable.

It did not.

"Hallucination Harry!" Draco popped out of the classroom with a grin, an honest to god grin.

Harry straightened his back trying to look nonchalant "Er Draco, how's it going?"

"Brilliant and you?" Draco linked his arm with Harry

"Sick, terrified, and very confused." Harry answered honestly

"Good good!" Draco answered brightly "So tomorrow we're having a little party in my House, you're going to be there right?"

"No….." Harry blinked at him subtly looking for some kind of head injury.

"Good good! I'll tell the rest, see you there tomorrow at half eight!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"So that's what happened." Harry said a folded his head into his arms pathetically on the table.

Ron and Hermionie looked close to laughing, damn them.

"So." Ron cleared his throat "Have fun at the party yeah?"

Harry sprang up "Oh no! If I go down I'm taking you with me Ronald Weasly!"

Hermionie laughed outright at the look of horror on Ron's face. Harry turned to her "That goes for you too Hermionie."

There was silence only broken as the friends said

"Well…. Shite."

…..

Ron snapped out of it first "Did you just make Hermionie swear?" Ron asked Harry eyes wide like he was looking at a god. Harry grinned at him and nodded.

Ron high fived Harry loudly… and lamely. "Good show mate!"

Hermionie huffed and pretended to read her book one thought running through her head; Boys are insane.

It wasn't until the party the next night that she knew just how true that statement was.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Harry walked into pandemonium his eyes wide.

The Slytherin commonroom had been completely trashed, the partiers causing mayhem, dancing, drinking, flirting, often all at the same time.

"This is madness." Harry said looking at Malfoy –Draco- standing on a couch like a pirate on the bow of his ship.

"Madness?" Draco whispered the other Slytherins covered their ears.

"THIS IS SLYTERIN!" Malfoy roared. With that warcry he leaped off the couch and landed in front of Harry.

"Welcome to the Dark Side Potter!" He drunkenly slung an arm around the confused boy and pulled him in to the swarming room.


	4. Rainbows are Gay

**Disclaimer**: Still do not own... you would think just one of these at the beginning would do the trick...

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Harry looked over at Ron and Hermionie. They were backed into a corner by Crabbe and Goyle telling bad knock-knock jokes. Yet somehow he envied them. Draco was lolled on the sofa his head pillowed in Harry's lap. How that had happened was beyond Harry, he just knew that it wasn't as good as it sounded.

"And then when I was six I found this rock, this big shiny rock!" Draco waved his arms above him "It was huge! But mummy took it away from me when I tried to throw it through to window. I thought it wanted to be with other shiny things! You know?" Draco looked at Harry soulfully expecting him to understand the importance of shiny things wanting to be with shiny things.

"Sure Draco." Harry patted his head like he would a puppy, Draco calmed down and continued with his story.

Harry saw Pansy and Blaise laughing together on the adjacent sofa as if they hadn't a care in the world. And they didn't, Draco was with him. Harry put them on his 'must wreak vengeance' list.

"Hey are you listening?" Draco demanded

"Er… yeah."

"What did I just say?" the blonde demanded squinting grey eyes up at him.

"Erm… Shiny things right?"

"Yes, the shiny thi- Oh my Merlin! Ewwwwww!" Draco sat up suddenly screeching and pointing at Pansy and Blaise as they kissed briefly.

"Heterosexuals! Oh Merlin! Get them away from me!" Draco continued his freak out, his manly not-screaming-like-a-girl, freak out. He scrambled up Harry like a cat climbing a tree.

"Okey okey," Harry tried to sooth the crazy on his lap. What to do what to do? Kiss? No. Ah!

"Here look Draco." Harry waved his wand "A pretty rainbow!"

A rainbow shot out of his wand, Draco tried to poke it and his hand went through. Harry pointed his wand at the ground and Draco pounced on the rainbow. Harry moved his wand again and Draco chased it across the floor. An hour later, a tired Draco had forgotten all about the heterosexual kiss.

Harry spent his free hour scratching his head and thinking that Malfoy really was like some kind of insane pet. He counted on his fingers: affectionate, excitable, cute, likes to be petted, easily startled, and likes to chase things across the floor. When the image of Draco with cat ears and a tail popped into his mind, he decided it was time for another drink.


	5. Aftermath

**Disclaimer**: *sighs* You know the drill, see chapter one if confused.

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The night wore on, and the party dwindled. People were hanging form chandeliers they hadn't known existed before, were collapsed studying patterns in the rug that were 'trippy' and everyone was in various states of disarray. Harry had a sleeping Draco on his shoulder. Not leaning against his shoulder sweetly, no of course not, but sprawled out on the top of the sofa using Harry's shoulder as a pillow.

Every time Harry would try to leave Draco would bat at his head, he had lost his glasses hours ago because of one particular missed hit.

Harry looked around for his Gryffindor friends, they were still in the corner but now they were giggling drunkenly and stuck under the blurry lumps that were passed out versions or Crabbe and Goyle.

Pansy and Blaise stood up and walked over to Harry looking torn between pity and laughter.

"I hate you both." Harry announced in an ominous voice

"We know." Blaise grinned "Now we should probably get our fearless leader to bed."

"You think I haven't tried?" Harry demanded

"You tried to get Draco into bed?" Pansy giggled

"Not like that!" Harry blushed faintly "Just help me."

"Why should we?" Pansy asked

"Because I have to take a piss. Like for the past hour."

"Fine fine." Pansy wrinkled her nose and walked around to Draco "Draco darling, it's time to go to bed."

"I dun' wanna'"

"Too bad." Pansy pulled him towards her, Draco immediately latched on to Harry's neck chocking him as Pansy pulled.

"Air!" Harry slapped desperately at Draco's arms like a wrestler tapping out of a match.

"Draco Darling, you're killing Hallucination Harry." Pansy cooed "Let go darling. Let go."

"Hallucination Harry! I'm sorry!" Draco let go suddenly causing Pansy and himself to fall on the floor with a resounding thud. Drunk as he was he got right back up and kissed Harry sloppily on the cheek, missing and hitting his ear instead "I didn'a mean to kill you! I don't want you to die!" Draco exclaimed right next to the now spit covered ear.

Sensing another freakout on the horizon Harry reached back and started petting Draco's hair again.

"It's fine it's fine, lets just get you to bed."

"You should stay! We could have a sleep over!"

"No." Three voices coursed

Draco pouted and allowed himself to be dragged off to bed.


	6. Holy Sweet Muffins!

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine, and I totally blame Plot Bunnies for this entire story!

**Chapter Dedicated to**: Yumi-chan! I hope you like it sweetness!

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The next morning found two very hung over Gryffindors at their table in the Great Hall. The third of their Golden Trio was rocking back and forth on the bench hugging himself. He looked at the ceiling often as if expecting it to rain fire. Hopefully on his two Gryffindor friends who, damn them, had a fairly normal experience at the party from hell.

No such luck.

Harry made a note to himself to check the Prophet for any apocalyptic weather. It was bound to happen!... And looking up at the ceiling for warning signs was giving him a crick in his neck.

At least Draco wasn't here yet. And wasn't that the damndest thing? He couldn't help but think of the crazy boy as Draco now.

Think of the devil, and he himself shall appear. And with cronies.

Draco stumbled into the hall glaring at people, Blaise and Pansy close on his heels. They sat down at the table and reached immediately for coffee. Pansy had the misfortune of grabbing the same coffee pot as Draco. Draco growled at her and bit her hand.

Literally

Like a rabid squirrel.

Pansy shrieked and released the coveted coffee pot into Draco's care. Draco petted the container "Who's a pretty coffee pot? You are!" He kissed the side and hissed at how hot it was.

He poured himself a cup and purred as he sipped it tenderly.

Creepy.

Other students began to pour in, mercifully as grumpy as the party-goers were. Until one. A hufflepuff with a death wish… he doesn't even deserve a name (he was a morning person)

"GOOD MORNING!" He caroled

As one Slytherin glared at him, loud noises and hangovers don't go well together. Cheerfulness was just cruel.

Draco waved his wand at the pastries at the table, muffins. They sprang to life and flew into the air, beginning to sprout little arms and legs.

Draco stood up on the table and bellowed "ATTACK EVIL MUFFINS, GET HIM!"

Harry watched in horrified amusement as the Hufflepuff was pelted by pastries. The Hufflepuffs were not so happy.

"What was that for?" One of the girls demanded

Pansy sent a sympathetic look at her "Draco's just a little grumpy this morning…. You should have seen the Spork Incident of '96…"

Harry burst out laughing, who knew, Draco could have been on par with the Weasley Twins when in a mood…. The muffins followed the Hufflepuff the rest of the day.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

By midday Slytherin at large was feeling more human. Draco had tamed one of the Evil Muffins claiming to anyone who would listen (and those that were forced to) that he was keeping it as his familiar. Its' name was Whiskers.

Draco and Whiskers dragged 'Hallucination Harry' with them like an old rag doll, ending the day in the Slytherin common room. The relief that Harry felt to be in that room was alarming, but at least Draco could only get into trouble in a smaller area.

Draco bounded across the room bringing Harry things to look at.

Each time Draco arrived with a great grin, his face lit up in excitement. "Harry, Harry! Look at this!"

A painting, a sculpture, a teddy bear, and a shoe. Harry was still scratching his head over the shoe, but Draco claimed that Whiskers said it smelled interesting. It must be said, Draco was the only one that could hear Whiskers speak….

Harry smiled more than he had since the war ended, by the end of the night Harry was surrounded by a wall of rubbish with Draco sitting on top of it precariously. Draco was preaching about the virtues of quills when the clock struck nine.

Draco pouted at the sound: Pasny told him he had to go to sleep early. Something about him being less grumpy in the mornings….. and sporks.. whatever that meant.

"Well goodnight Hallucination Harry!" Draco waved to the boy cheerfully and slid down the mountain of stuff on a leather bound book.

Harry sat bewildered before realizing one crucial fact. "Hey how am I supposed to get out of here?"

Harry stared up at the six-foot wall besieging him and began to climb, all the while muttering about crazy Slytherins and evil muffins. He didn't even notice that he was smiling the whole time.


	7. Just Dance

**Disclaimer**: Not mine

**AN**: If anyone's still out there, I'm so so sorry! Real life turned into a clusterfuck... and yes the chapter is short be patient I'll post another one.

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"Haaaaary, I'm booooored!" Draco whined as he leaned against Harry's shoulder at lunch the next day.

Harry counted to ten. Very slowly. Twice.

"Then find something to distract you." Harry said through gritted teeth

"Harry NO!" Blaise yelled

"Potter I'm going to kill you." Pansy groaned and put her face in her hands

"Okey!" Draco smiled brightly and waved his wand, suddenly rhythmic music filled the hall. Dun dun dun dun DA! Dun dun dun dun DA!

The other inhabitants of the hall looked over to see what the fuss was about only to be answered in a sonorous-inhansed shout "CONA LINE!"

Draco grabed Pansy's waist, who seemed determined to drag Blaize down with her, who seemed determined to drag Nott down with him and so on. They marched around the hall with expressions of exasperation, embarrassment, and amusement. They grabbed anyone they passed adding them to the large snake of people dancing to the tune that got stuck in their heads. Harry was looped in right after Draco his hands resting on the boy's hips. He laughed at the absurdity of it all when suddenly Draco stopped causing a domino effect on everyone behind him.

The fallen group of students looked up at the "New Draco" who grinned at the lot of them.

"Man it's good to be dead, it's so freeing!" Draco smiled

"You're not dead!" Slytherin insisted as one

"Man next thing you know he'll be dancing the Macarena." A muggleborn muttered. He had the grave misfortune of having Draco overhear that statement. He was pounced on by the blonde

"What is this Macarena? Teach me!" He demanded

"Uh no." The nameless muggleborn said looking warily at the blonde perched on his chest

"Whiskers!" Draco demanded and the damned muffin poked it's top out of Draco's robe sleeve. It growled menacingly at the boy.

"Alright! Alright I'll teach you!" He screamed remembering what happened to the hufflepuff boy the day before. Draco leaped off his chest and landed crouched on the floor.

The muggleborn stood up red as a tomato and demonstrated the moves as much of the present students laughed. Draco quickly coppied and then went about enlisting a group of dancers from the terrified students. He shocked everyone, not in the crazines, they were getting used to that, but in that he chose people from all the houses.

In time the entire student body was doing the macerana as if it were an everyday occurance. Slytherines leaned against Gryffindors laughing, Hufflepuffs teased the Ravenclaws into dancing. There was a brief moment of true inner house unity. Only to be dispelled by reality closing in, in the form of the professors coming down for food.

They shoed the kids back to their tables and the students went more regretful to loose that moment of madness mixed with laughter than they wanted to admit. Especially because it had been brought about by Draco Bloody Malfoy.


	8. Oh Shi coughShiny

**Disclaimer**: Not mine blah blah blah

**AN**: See! I promised you another chapter!... though you might kill me for it... oh well.

* * *

At lunch the next day Harry was late, and thus Draco was without a keeper. He wandered the tables of all the Houses smiling at people and talking about random things. Suddenly something caught his attention. Something shiny.

"SHINY!" He yelled and ran towards the girl with the speed of an athelete if without the grace.

Harry arrived on the scene just in time to see the disaster in action.

Draco grabbed the barette out of the girl's hair and stared at it turning it this way and that in the candlelight. "So pretty."

It had been a hard few days for Harry, if he wasn't running after Draco to keep him from stupid schemes, he was already involved in said stupid schemes. He rubbed his head as his patience reached it's end.

"Draco." He said striding towards the blonde who had made himself very comfortable next to the scarced girl at the hufflepuff table looked up with a smile "Hallucination Harry! Look what I found!" He said as he waved the barette triumphantly and put it in his own shining hair.

"Draco give the barette back to the girl."

"Don' wanna'!" Draco pouted covering the barette protectively

The girl, wide eyed whispered "He can have it."

"No he can't." Harry said staring hard at Draco "He stole it. He has to give it back."

Slytherin watched in amusement as the Potter brat tried to get Draco to… well to get him to do anything.

"It's mine!" Draco whined

"It's this girl's." Harry said patting the girl on the shoulder absently as he locked eyes with Draco. "You have to give it back."

"NEVER!" Draco declared dramatically

"Now." Harry glared before softening his eyes "It's the right thing to do."

Draco squirmed under that look, visably twitching as he warred with himelf. He wanted to make Hallucination Harry happy, but he wanted the shiny! The minutes ticked by and Harry didn't move. Some began to titter behind their hands at him, he obviously wasn't getting anywhere. Others began following the Slytherins' lead by taking bets. All were shocked as Draco took the barette out of his hair and handed it to the girl.

"Good. Thank you Draco. Now apologize." Harry said with a smile

The hall gasped as one, he wanted more? He had just achieved the impossible! Plus Draco Malfoy never apologized, even when he was in this state.

"M'm Sorry." Draco muttered looking at his feet.

"It's alright." The girl stared at him in shock

A cheer broke the silence of the hall, it was emenating from the Slytherin table. "HARRY! HARRY! HARRY!"

Harry offered his hand to Draco who took it, with that he led Draco back to his table.

Blaize stood up and wrapped his arm around Harry. "You've done it, you have tamed the Demon Ferret!"

Pansy had tears of gratitude in her eyes, and the slytherins were already planning another party just to celebrate this monumentous event. Many stood up just to shake Harry's hand. To Harry it just reminded him of the aftermath of defeating Voldemort. Was Draco that fearsome?

"He's not that bad." He heard himself defending his former foe. In another time he might have tried to take back his words, but he happened to glance over at Draco. The boy was smiling freely and eating his lunch with friends. There was a fist around Harry's heart that gave a squeeze at the glowing smile. He didn't take back his words. Instead he squeezed his way in between Draco and Theo Nott and put an arm around the blonde. It felt nice, and by the sudden blushing grin on Draco's face he didn't mind.

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There was one thing about the New Draco that concerned Harry, and it appeared in the evening of that day in the Slytherin commonroom. At first all was well, Harry had even been welcomed with cheers rather than wariness this time. A first.

Then the sounds of shouting reached them through the portrait.

Pansy and Blaize were fighting, apparently Pansy hadn't liked the flirtatious look Blaize had sent a Ravenclaw girl. They entered the commonroom still yelling at full volume, Draco tensed up next to Harry near the fire. Harry ignored the oddity, until Draco stood up.

"Please stop fighting!" He plead with his snarling friends

"Oh shut it!" Blaize yelled at Draco his arm raised, instead of hexing him as he would have a week before Draco's face paled a little and he stepped back holding an arm over his head protectively.

Harry recognized that stance, the casual abuse at the hands of Dudley had seen to that. Harry bolted up and stood in front of Draco, between him and Blaize. Blaize looked shaken and almost pitiful.

"Enough. If you're going to argue take it elsewhere." Harry demanded feeling a little foolish, that feeling went away when he felt a hand clutching at the back of his shirt for reassurance.

"Look Draco I'm so sorry!" Blaize babbled loosing his debonair persona. "I didn't mean to frighten you! You know I'm not like that!"

"Go away." Draco muttered his face now pressed against Harry's back.

Looking chargined he walked towards the portrait, giving Pansy a glance. _Stay with him._ Pansy stayed and helped Harry cheer up Draco. Harry held him while he came back to himelself, they took to distracting Draco. It took a while to get the boy out of his shell, but after an hour or two Draco began to smile again. Harry was left to plot in silence. He was in over his head. He needed help.


	9. Confrontation

**Disclaimer**: Still don't own, no shit right?

**AN**: Okey seriously DO NOT KILL THE WRITER!

* * *

The next morning before he could be accosted by a crazed Slytherin Harry pulled Hermionie over to the side.

"I need you to look something up for me. I need confirmation."

Hermionie found him later that day involved in a game of hide and seek. Harry shushed her and pulled her into his hiding space.

She didn't look amused, she looked pale and serious. She told him her findings.

Harry's smile disappeared "Thank you."

Neither of them saw the shadow move away from the wall.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lucius Malfoy stalked into the great hall banging down his staff with each decisive step. His cold eyes swept the hall looking for his diapppointment of a child.

"Where is my son? I was informed he was suffering from some kind of mental breakdown." He sneered at the headmistress

"He's not here sir." Blaize Zabini drawled from the slitherin table

"Oh?" Lucius cocked an eyebrow

Harry meanwhile looked at Ginny who was smirking, a smug little expression on her usually pretty face. He narrowed his eyes at the girl. She was the one who grassed on Draco then.

"I'm afraid he's out at the moment Mr. Malfoy." Harry stood up glaring brightly at the Head of the Malofy

"Potter." Malfoy spat.

"Mr. Malfoy." Harry acknowleged as he strode forward

"So this is your doing. I demand my son as is my right. He should be at home receiving proper treatment." Harry read between the lines and didn't like it.

"Your son is yours only by blood, not by legal standing. He's of age. As for your proper treatment…" Harry leaned up and whispered harshly in Lucius's ear "If you ever raise a wand to that boy again I'll send you to Azkaban for the rest of your miserable life."

Harry stepped back with an almost feral look in his eyes. Lucius looked down with a sneer.

"Your threats don't frighten me Potter, I'm a pureblood of the most noble kind."

"Who doesn't have any standing these days, whose fortune has been spent getting you out of jail?"

Lucius lost his temper "That worthless wretch deserves whatever he gets. Beaten to a bloody husk, hexed into whimpering, I'll never stop until he's a proper Malfoy. As he is now he's unworthy of the name."

The silent hall seemed to stop breathing, they had taken a liking to the New Draco. To hear this…

Harry cocked back on one heel. "Well now, I do believe that was a confession." He smirked very much like Draco Malfoy and waved his wand at Lucius "Incarcerous."

"Headmistress? Perhaps a floo into the ministry is order?"

Minverva smiled coldly "Well done Mr. Potter."

He bowed to her dramatically "The Sorting Hat said I would have done well in Slytherin." He added with a self deprecating shrug.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Harry was literally grabbed by Blaise and Pansy and carried down to Slytherin.

They glared at him coldly.

"How did you know?" Pansy asked absently inspecting her fingernails.

"I suspected, I asked Hermionie for confirmation."

Blaize emitted a threatening hiss.

Harry looked at him with wide eyes "The baboon tosses purple ducks?" He asked then laughed

"Wha-"

"We're trying to be serious here."

Harry opened his mouth but was stopped from speaking by a hand over it "And if you are about to make the obligitary Sirius pun? Don't. Now what were you babbling about?"

"That…" Harry gasped "What Blaise said. In parseltongue."

The Slytherins looked like they dearly wanted to laugh for the moment, but the seriousness of the moment won out. "Explain what you asked Hermionie to research." Blaise said once he was under control.

Harry looked solemn and sad "I read something once about multiple personalities. When you admitted each side of Draco Malfoy was genuine, not a mask…. I thought of that story I read. I asked Hermionie to look up multiple personalities for me. Dissociative Identity Disorder it's called now. Anyhow, one of the major causes for it is abuse. And Lucius has 'abusive' stamped on his forehead."

"This is a muggle thing?" Blaise pressed in confusion.

"It is a human thing, but yes muggles discovered it. To be diagnosable there needs to be three distinct personalities. Luckily Draco only has one, "Malfoy.""

Pansy rubbed her forehead "This is so messed up."

"When Malfoy finds out that everyone knows what his life back home was like, he'll be furious."

"Yeah, but he never has to go back there now." Harry put in thinking his new friends forgot that little detail.

They had. They blinked at him. Stared at him.

"Thank you." They bowed as one a rare gesture of respect to a strong or influential wizard, only given when they are indebted to that wizard.

"Don't get formal with me." Harry grumped "I'm going to go find Draco."

After Harry left Blaise turned to Pansy "It's that our job?"

"Not anymore, I think Harry wants that job."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Harry went around checking Draco's favorite hiding spots. He interrupted two couples kissing, one bloke picking his nose, and one girl drooling as she stared at a picture of himself and Draco holding each other. Creepy. How did she even get that? He finally found Draco. He was curled up in a ball his head on his upright knees.

"Hullo." Harry said crouching under the table next to him

"Harry." Draco smiled a little and leaned against his shoulder toppling over to the side a bit "Is the bad man gone?" he whispered as if afraid to be found

"Yes, and he'll never come near you again. I'll make sure of that." Harry whispered back reaching a hand up to pet Draco's hair calming him down.

"Thank you. Whiskers thanks you too."

Harry cracked a grin. "Always." He promised. "Always." He wrapped his other arm around Draco finally willing to examine the fact that having Draco against his side felt nice. He dug through his mind and through his heart as they sat like that. The conclusion seemed obvious but it took a minute to fully accept. He cared. He cared a lot. Was this what it felt like to love someone?


	10. Mine!

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not mine... which is probably a good thing considering how much I torture him...

**AN**: Well there were no angry messages so lets start this off with a smile and fluff ne?

* * *

Draco was a little withdrawn the next day, only talking to Whiskers. Harry frowned not liking this development at all.

"Lets go flying." Harry said standing up from the Slytherin table.

Draco blinked at him "Why?"

"Because flying is fun." Harry grinned charmingly down at him, he grabbed Draco's warm hand in his and dragged the silent boy along with him to the Quidditch pitch. Well dragging Draco and Whiskers, the muffin insisted to come along (or so Draco said.)

Harry smiled when they reached the Quidditch pitch and turned back to Draco. "This is my favorite place, did you know that?" Harry asked as he summoned his broom.

Draco copied his move and tilted his head curiously despite his former silence "Why is that?"

"I always feel so alive when I fly, free like nothing bad can catch me." Harry looked over the pitch with a soft look in his avada kadavra eyes.

Draco pulled on his robe sleeve to get his attention, Harry looked sharply down at the tug. "Me too." The slytherin said with a small smile.

"Then want to make this interesting?" Harry asked with a grin as he tried to foster a little bit of their rivalry to get some spirit back into the quiet slytherin. He dug in his pocket for the snitch and held it out on his palm, still quiet in his hand. "First one to catch the snitch wins."

Draco smiled at him widely like a child and hopped onto his broom. For the next two hours the duo flew around the pitch half the time forgetting to look for the snitch in favor of outdoing each other in aerial stunts and races. By the time they spotted the little golden ball it was a surprise. They raced towards it, reached out, and grabbed it. At the same time. They wrestled with each other on the way down, once they set foot back on the ground the argument had already begun.

"Mine!" They said in unison.

"I got it first!" Harry said pulling it towards his chest only to have it wrenched back at Draco by the pale boy's pull.

"I won!" Draco argued

As they fought they leaned in closer and closer. Harry began to notice the smile quirking at the edges of Draco's soft lips, and Draco began to see the light in Harry's eyes. There was a silent moment, the argument dropped to the floor as if it were on fire. They stared at each other, and the move was too quick to catch. They both moved at the same time, intending, I believe, to crash lips together… instead they bonked heads rather harshly. They were thrown back onto the Quidditch Pitch, staring at the grey sky dazedly.

It was at this moment that Pansy and Blaize found them. They had been searching the castle not hearing exactly what Harry had said at breakfast that morning. They saw their friend sprawled on the ground and took the obvious action. They hexed Harry, because it was blatantly his fault. Whatever it was.

"Ow." Muttered Harry as he rubbed his face, already bruised and now hit with a stinging hex until it was swollen almost beyond recognition. Luckily the situation was not as deadly as the last time this had happened to him. He hoped.

He looked at Pansy and Blaize's murderous faces and changed his mind, it was definitely more dangerous than Voldemort.

"We're taking him to Pomphery." Pansy informed him coldly "You're going to be the one to explain what happened to her."

Harry shudder in fear, he'd be honest, that old battle-axe scared him.

Harry walked behind the trio including the still dazed Draco. He was in so much trouble. As they entered the Hospital Wing Draco came to his senses. "It was his fault!" Draco pouted and pointed accusingly at Harry.

"Was not!" Harry pointed back at him "It was your fault."

"Gentleman." Madame Pomphery interrupted "Explain. I thought you were on better terms now."

Harry looked at his feet and muttered too quietly for anyone to hear.

"I didn't hear that Mr. Potter." Madame Pomphery said too gently, no one could be that calm dealing with teenagers without being a seething cauldron of rage on the inside.

"We bonked heads ma'm'"

"What?" Demanded Pansy and Blaise.

"We did and it was his fault!" Draco exclaimed

"Hey you were moving towards me too!" Harry said.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Pomphery bellowed, see seething-cauldron of rage. Both boys snapped to attention and spoke at the same time.

"Tried to kiss him. Ma'm" They saluted for good measure.

The other three occupants of the room stared at the saluting boys. Draco the Ice Prince of Slytherin and Harry Bloody Potter, mortal enemies from the start…. Just bonk heads like second years when trying to kiss each other?

Madame Pompher was not pleased as she fixed the boys up. Pasny and Blaize were silent, eerily so.

As soon as both were fixed they turned to Draco. "Honey, why don't you go play with Theo?"

Draco grinned and ran off to torment the Slytherin without a second thought.

Harry stared at the two as they turned on him. "Well now you're interested in our little Draco." Pansy said with a little smile "I assume that means you'll take good care of him."

Blaize meanwhile was admiring his wand threatening like a father that is cleaning his gun when a boy comes to the house to take his daughter to a dance. "I like you Potter, but don't ever forget I'll end you if you hurt him."

"Blaize dear, let me handle this." Pansy smiled, "Now I assume you know about safe sex…"

She trailed off at Harry's horrified look.

An hour later Harry stumbled out of the room, pale and shaking. He had just been under interrogation from Blaize, apparently the young male would do unthinkable things to his precious dangly bits if he made one wrong move. He also had The Talk from Pansy. With graphs! Where did she get the graphs? Why did she carry them around?

Harry was wistful for the days when Voldemort was after him, he was convinced they were less scarring. He walked blindly to the Slytherin Commonroom, then he smiled as he walked in. There was Draco grinning and bouncing around the room with his next Brilliant Idea. Voldemort may have been less scarring, but this was more fun. He walked up to the wildly gesticulating boy and was immediately hugged by Draco and got him involved in his plot. Harry couldn't stop smiling. It was so worth it.


	11. Malfoy

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not owned by me.

* * *

It was lunch of the seventh day of the week that changed Hogwarts when Malfoy came back.

He was leaning happily against Harry as Whiskers danced on his shoulder. Harry was distracting Draco was a shiny object that he kept batting at lazily.

Draco blinked, Malfoy blinked again. "Wha-?" He looked at his pillow and discovered a happily smiling Potter. Malfoy sprang up eyes wide looking around his table to find no one disturbed by this development. His eyes landed on Whiskers

"Someone please tell me I'm dead!" Malfoy demanded

"YOU'RE NOT DEAD!" The hall thundered in an exasperated response.

Malfoy put his head in his hands muttering "But father, wait he's in prision, but really? Muffins – Conga. Potter. Hallucination Harry, bloody hell."

Harry had been staring at him worridly but began to laugh, he put an arm around the blonde. "Relax Malfoy, it's alright."

Malfoy jerked away his eyes wide. His world had been turned upside down. Where was the hatred? He looked around at smiling faces, even the Hufflepuffs dared smile at him. He felt clostrophobic. Harry frowned until understanding dawned.

"Lets go for a walk." Harry said getting up and absently offering a hand to Malfoy.

It surprised him when the hand was taken, but to Malfoy it looked like an island in a see of madness. They walked silently until they were at the shore of the Lake. They sat down under a shady tree that had once seen two other enemies many years before. Hopefully they would avoid the same fate as James and Severus.

Harry leaned back on his hands and looked at the view, it was peaceful. It made him smile.

"Explain." Malfoy demanded

"Well the entire school was introduced to Draco, he's become quite popular among the students."

"Everyone knows."

"About your father? Yeah. Only way I could think of to keep you safe at the time."

"I don't need you protecting me Potter."

"I know. But I want to."

Draco shot a sharp look at his companion, Harry just continued looking at the lake. "Why?"

"Because you're special to me."

"You mean Draco is." Malfoy corrected with a sneer

"No I mean Draco Malfoy is important to me. You're the same person, you've just divided yourself. Hermionie can explain it better, but there are ways to essentially glue yourself back together. No more blackouts, no more loss of control of your own mind. I'd help."

The other was silent. "I'd like that."

Whether is was Draco or Malfoy that spoke didn't matter, the very thought warmed him.

"About the kiss." Harry started

"It was a disaster." Malfoy admitted with a scowl and a blush

"Want to try again?" Harry asked turning towards him, his own cheeks blushing

"I'd like that." Malfoy said with a grin, there was a glimmer of Draco in him at that moment.

They kissed softly. The beginnings of a new life never tasted so good. Or tasted like blueberry muffins.

"You didn't eat Whiskers did you?" Draco asked

Harry just laughed

"Did you!" Draco demanded

Harry ran and Draco chased, they ran around like children in the rare sunlight smiling and laughing. At last Draco tackled Harry and sat scowling on the other boy's chest. Harry just smiled charmingly up at the blond "I didn't eat Whiskers."

"Promise." Draco asked, but the Malfoy behind his eyes was asking more

"I promise." Harry smiled answering both questions.

It was the start of something new.

Whiskers looked on with wise muffiney eyes and nodded. All would be well with his human friend.

* * *

**AN**: That's the end folks, I want to thank everyone who reviewed, fav'ed and put this on alert, I really hope you enjoyed it. Cookies for everyone! Comments are welcome!

There will be no sequels, but one person did ask for a oneshot of the Spork Incident of 96... we'll see how that one goes. :D


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